Tag Archives: personal

Taking Stock: Spring edition #1

After a tumultuous few weeks (really months) I am starting to feel like I can rejoin the land of the living. Work has settled down (though my pile of marking is ever-growing),I’m feeling sliiiightly better about personal life stuff and I’m deciding to focus on the stuff I have in my life that is pretty great. I’m lucky to have a job that I love, a nephew who adores me, friends who will help me if I ask and about 300 books, not counting ebooks, in which to escape when times get tough.

Cooking: Banana bread this weekend. I bought a huge bunch of bananas last week that I felt a bit bad about so I found an easy recipe for banana bread on Tastemade (my new obsession) and it’s delish!

Drinking: I’ve been enjoying a Brown Brothers moscato thing that I love, but that apparently tastes like Passion Pop? Never tasted it myself (surprisingly).

Reading: Torn between what to start next – Gone With The Wind, Anna Karenina or The Odyssey. Yikes but I want to push myself. Continue reading Taking Stock: Spring edition #1

Broken, empty and lonely.

I came to a realisation yesterday morning. The events of the past week, and the past month and a half, have pretty much left me empty. Not empty in the sense that I am an emotionless husk of a woman, but empty in that I have nothing left to give at the moment. In general I am someone who is always giving to the people around her, generous with my time and efforts, and rarely expecting things in return. But I’m not an emotionless husk of a woman, I like to have my efforts acknowledged at the bare minimum if not appreciated. Lately it feels like all I do is give and be patient and understanding without receiving any of the same support. Continue reading Broken, empty and lonely.

Page 1 of 365

img_1211

Happy New Year everyone!

I’ve thought a lot about how I want to start my year, with goals or resolutions or promises to people. Recently there has been some.. turmoil (for lack of a better term) in my personal life that has led to me (once again) trying to rethink the way I live my life, what makes me happy and how I can get back to those happy places again.

I have decided to take things one day at a time. Set small goals that can be achieved, and slowly work towards the bigger things. Make time for the things that make me happy and feel less guilty for choosing to do those things instead of over-committing myself to other pursuits.

If I had to name any overarching themes of my 2016, I would like them to be health, writing, reading, career. I hope that I can stick to what I am trying to do, and that I can keep myself to deadlines. They were the one part of journalism that I was able to do exceptionally after all!

Hope you all had a great new year’s celebration.

signature

Taking Stock 04

Now that the year 11s have finished for the school year, and there is only 7 (!!) teaching days left I find myself with a lot more free time on my hands. Bringing that down just a tad is the fact that I don’t know whether I will have a job here next year, but I’m (healthily) pushing that to the back of my mind.

Cooking: Nothing as of late. Housemate is working nights so I fend for myself. Most recently it was with a family sized order of Chinese takeaway food that has lasted three days.

Drinking: Lipton Orange and Mandarin green tea out of my Mayfair Jackson reuseable mug. .

Reading: my way through The Chronicles of Narnia, my Christmas

Wanting: Summer (properly, none of this cloudy cold nonsense), a single digit sized body, a house of my own, to know whether I have a job here next year…

Looking: forward to going home and napping. But now I have just remembered that I have that stupid high school thing tonight. Ugh.

Playing: WWE Supercards and The Simpsons Tapped Out on “my” iPad

Deciding: to not let the cat sleep on my bed for the rest of the week. Someone had an accident on my bed at 5am today that someone else stuck her hand in half asleep. Not happy.

Wishing: that the IT guy comes to visit me at some point today, he’s such fun.

Enjoying: House of Cards .

Waiting : to hear if I have a job at this school next year. With one and a half weeks left in the school year, it’s cutting it real fine.

Liking: my visits from the IT guy ©

Wondering: if I should really bother going to my high school reunion thing tonight. I don’t particularly want to if I’m being perfectly honest.

Loving: how big Tom’s eyes get when he’s just woken up and/or he wants something from me. Very Puss in Boots.

Pondering: taking a nap right here at my desk… Probably a bad idea, right? .

Considering: bailing on this event tonight.

Watching: Revenge

Hoping: that my housemate gets the stick out of his butt and gets me anything for Christmas, considering all that I do for him.

Marvelling: at how sidetracked my students are able to get me. Last period despite me telling my class that it was silent reading, one of the boys asked me if he could do his book presentation on The Walking Dead, which then turned into a long discussion about the biology of a zombie virus, whether it can be passed on by eating cooked yet contaminated meat, whether animals are infected with the virus and the horrors of Lizzie and Mika. It annoys me, and yet it makes me like them even more, because we were technically still discussing books.

Needing: Something sweet to happen to me. Or just to eat, Krispy Kremes ideally.

Smelling: rose petals from a colleague’s old welcome back bouquet. Old roses have the best smell. Weird, I know. Now I can smell something slightly burning, ominous.

Wearing: green pinafore-type dress, black Cotton On cardigan, black and white polka dotted ballet flats with my garmin watch, hair freshly straightened, green eyeshadow, gold glitter nails and my ever present spectacles.

Following: Busy Phillips on Instagram. It’s the last week of shooting on Cougar Town, which makes me very sad. But Busy does this adorable mischievous elves Christmas thing for her daughters, which makes me very happy!

Knowing: that I probably will end up going to my high school thing tonight.

Thinking:  that I need to find something really special to wear tonight, to offset certain…. Changes… that will be made very obvious.

Feeling: apprehensive about tonight, awe at Victoria Grayson, nervous that I don’t know if I have a job next year and that they’ve already filled one of the three positions available.

Admiring: Margaux’s burn on Daniel Grayson.
Daniel: “No matter how you feel about me, our child needs a father.”
Margaux: “A father. Like the one you had?”
ICYMI: Daniel’s father was a murderous, traitorous, manipulative, ruthless douche.

Sorting: out all the resources in my office, so that I can take a bundle of them home with me.

Buying: Christmas presents. Currently looking for a toothbrush charger for my housemate.

Getting: bored with all my free periods at school. Ideally I should be using them constructively…

Bookmarking: free online books, and PDF copies of The Chronicles of Narnia

Disliking: not knowing if I have a job next year at this school, and that the admin have been conspicuously silent on that fact.

Opening: my lunch. Leftover bacon and egg muffin from breakfast.

Giggling: at my students who are asking for an A if they re-enact all the sons in LOTR and The Hobbit for their presentation. Not gonna lie, I’m tempted to say yes.

Feeling: Bored, and hungry. But not for my lunch.

Snacking: On chips that I won in the staff raffle last week. They’re like Simba chips but original flavour, a bit hit in the English office.

Coveting: this job for next year, a Nolan Ross sense of style/flair, and an Emily Thorne/Crazy Lousie kick ass body.

ELENA SATINE, GABRIEL MANN

Wishing: I was not so lazy and procrastinating.

Helping: my colleagues plan for next year, without knowing if I will be around next year.

Hearing: The wind rush through the corridors outside as if searching each hidden place for the solution to something, howling in agony when that question remains unanswered.
My attempt at being poetic today. Lame, I know.

Hope you all know what you are up to next year!

Love,
Andrea

Taking Stock 03

A little overdue with the blog posts since starting my new job, but somehow since starting work I have also moved out of home! Finally felling settled though, so I thought I would put an end to my inadvertent blog hiatus. I’m currently living way south of the river, far away from practically everything, but on the other hand i’m also living with the one person I never thought I’d every live with. A good state of mind for me to be taking stock of, and really interesting to compare to my previous ones also!


Cooking
: up a plan for my lessons for the week.

Drinking: Water out of my pink Smash bottle.

Reading: Harley Quinn comics (the original series). Yesterday I read The Lovely Bones, it was… strange. 

Wanting: Summer, a single digit sized body, a house of my own.

Looking: at my legs, which are still in full winter mode (this consists of less moisturiser than usual, and a healthy layer of leg hair from wearing stockings. I’m so attractive, I know)

Playing: Prison Architect and The Sims. Though I am trying to limit this because it eats up hours at a time before I realise it. 

Deciding: on what route to take to be able to travel from Atwell to Success to Carrington St to Willetton with minimal petrol wastage. A pipe dream, I know.

Wishing: for boy.

Enjoying: having money to be able to actually do things for once. 

Waiting: for inspiration to hit in the form of  my lesson plans. Years 9 and 11 are easy, year 10 is a massive bitch.

Liking: hearing my cat’s footsteps on the floor, and meowing to be let in. He’s adorable

He sleeps on anything that I’ve ever touched, worn or slept on. I’m beginning to turn in to a cat lady, after six weeks ♥

Wondering: if I should let Tom in, because he has pooped on my bed before. He’s a douche, as well as adorable.

Loving: that my cat loves me, and my housemate buys me lunches/dinners that are both healthy and yummy.

Pondering: if I have enough time to watch the rest of House of Cards this weekend.

Considering: leaving for Dad’s early to cruise by JB Hi Fi.

Watching: Jimmy Pesto Jr and Tina Belcher put together a magic act.

Hoping: that things go back to normal with boy soon.

Marvelling: at my hair’s ability to frizz up purely from the dryer running in the next room.

Needing: oh so many things, of many different ratings. 

Smelling: seasame bagels

Wearing: navy blue and white striped dress that looks very “Britain-y” according to one of my colleagues, and panda slippers.

Following: the exploits of Tina, Gene and Louise Belcher.

Noticing: My desk needs a good dusting, and I have yet to brush my teeth today.

Knowing: I need to get my stuff together and sort out a personal timetable for work and other stuff, and plan lessons.

Thinking: about boy, Doctor Who, Robin Hood, idiot brother, lesson planning.

Feeling: lonely, and weird. 

Admiring: Tina Belcher. She knows who she is, and makes no apologies for it. And she likes boys’ butts. 

Sorting: out my huge amount of crap, though i really cannot be bothered with it. 

Buying: household items and Harley Quinn comic on the DC Comics app

Getting: ready to go see my dad for father’s day.

Bookmarking: The Outsiders debate lesson plans

Disliking: having not enough hours in the day, current living circumstances and it’s weirdness, current physique.

Opening: my step dad’s father’s day present to take to him ♥

Giggling: at my/boy’s cat.

Feeling: tired, almost all the time. and a little lonely, 

Snacking: on almost nothing nowadays. Though this is mostly because I had a nightmare of boy/housemate finding snack stashes in my room and them kicking me out of the house..

Coveting: A JLo body. Any day now.

Wishing: for things to go back to normal with boy and I

Helping: not much this week, to be perfectly honest. I did make brownies yesterday, which my brother enjoyed.

Hearing: my friend bleaching something in the laundry.

 

Hope you’re all thinking of the fathers in your life!
Love, 
Andrea

Taking Stock 2

As today is the 17th of the month, I think it is perfect time for my second lot of Taking Stock. Revisiting how I was feeling exactly a month ago has been a very interesting experience, predominantly because I NOW HAVE AN ACTUAL PAYING JOB AT AN ACTUAL SCHOOL!! Which, in case you couldn’t tell, I am over the moon about, and has significantly abated a lot of my sad sack ways. Also in the past month my mother has been on an amazing holiday in Europe, several of my closest friends have purchased or are about to own their own homes, and I got my baby (my desktop computer) back! I am so excited to see what this next month will bring, and I am just so ready to finally be taking those steps into actual adulthood. 

My excitement manifested in stationary purchasing.
My excitement manifested in stationary purchasing.

Making: A mess in my room in my attempt to clean up.

Cooking: A meat pie for dinner, which I eat as if it’s a bowl of meat instead of a pie. I’m odd like that.

Drinking: Water out of my pink Smash bottle.

Reading: Beautiful Chaos, the third book in the Beautiful Creatures series. I watched the movie a couple of weeks ago and surprisingly loved it. I’m a sucker for a Southern accent.

Wanting: Summer, a single digit sized body, a house of my own.

Looking: At my current computer and desk set up and wondering how to give myself more space.

Playing: Civilisation V for the first time on my desktop computer in a year, I mega love it.

Deciding: whether to finish cleaning my room tonight, or instead continue my marathon of The Office season 8 and 9.

Wishing: I had a house of my own.

Enjoying: the fact that I have a job!!!

Waiting: for Mummy to come back from her European adventure on Sunday. Which is also waiting for my Dolce & Gabbana present from Italy.

Liking: all my preparations for school on Monday.

Wondering: if I should wash my hair tonight.

Loving: that I have a job, and that I can start saving for an actual future now.

Pondering: if I should re-read ASOIAF now that the fourth season of the show has ended (still, although I think I might be too busy this term to read much recreationally).

Considering: adding some baby veg to my pie.

Watching: Jim Halpert and Dwight Schrute in a prank war

Hoping: that I have a good first week of school next week.

Marvelling: at the fact that my brother seems to sleep for around four hours at random every day. Weird boy.

Needing: to quit being lazy.

Smelling: my raspberry candle burning on my desk.

Wearing: my Perth Buffers long T Shirt and black leggings with my panda bear slippers

Following: the escapades of a paper company in Scranton, PA.

Noticing: That I really need to clean my bedroom (Still!!!).

Knowing: I need to get my stuff together and sort out a personal timetable for work and other stuff.

Thinking: about boy, buying houses, dinner, school, books, Jon Snow, Lyanna Stark.

Feeling: Despondent and frustrated, but yet determined (About the opposite of this right now! I’m so grateful for the opportunity I am about to embark upon next Monday).

Admiring: my friends and anyone with careers/houses, Jennifer Lopez and Diana Taurasi and Amy Pond.

Sorting: Clothes into need and charity piles.

Buying: Ikea furniture, Star Wars stationary, colourful work clothes.

Getting: excited for work on Monday

Bookmarking: Beautiful Chaos.

Disliking: having not enough hours in the day, current living circumstances, current lack of organisation, current physique.

Opening: my oven to check the progress of my pie.

Giggling: at Dwight Schrute.

Feeling: so pumped for Monday. Repetitive but still, I have a job so I don’t care!

Snacking: on all the wrong things Today was a bag of Cheese Curls, second to only Nik Naks in the South African cheese-based snack department.

Coveting: A house of my own

Wishing: for a teaching job that still allowed me to be able to stay up until four in the morning. Ha! (And as my teaching job does allow for that thanks to being 0.6 and late starts, I’m on top of the world!)

Helping: not much this week, to be perfectly honest. I did make brownies yesterday, which my brother enjoyed.

Hearing: An outstanding Dwight Schrute decree.

 

Hope you have all had an amazing month as well, and here’s to an equally as exciting Taking Stock 3 in August!

Love, 
Andrea

Sunday Melancholy

sad pug puppy face, very familiar to me

A lot of my friends and family are experiencing such amazing things at the moment, and while I am happy for them, I cannot help also feeling overwhelmingly jealous. I know that they’ve worked hard for what they have achieved, and I am immensely proud of them, but it frustrates me to no end. Even though I know that almost all of that frustration is directed towards myself, I still just don’t like it. I’ve never really been that great with change, or at least change that is foisted upon me abruptly, and I know that my time will eventually come (it better!) but I really feel like I’m getting left behind while everyone else is living such amazing lives. Most nights that very thought is enough to send me to tears, because I want nothing more than to be able to get that ideal job, move out of home, get off welfare payments and start living my own life.

And not to mention, that all anyone can seem to say to me is “welcome to the real world”, or “grow up” or “stop living in a fantasy” which frustrates me to no end because really, what world have I been living in up until now? Narnia? I know that I need to pull my finger out and get my stuff together, but (and maybe it’s just me) that doesn’t seem so simple as everyone is making it appear to me. It’s times like that that all I want is for someone to wrap me up in their arms and comfort me, telling me that everything is going to be okay.

Not the greatest mindset to be living in right now, slightly childish and naive maybe, hopefully I snap out of it soon. Netherlands/Mexico is on tonight so hopefully that does the trick, hup Oranje!

Love,
Andrea

Taking Stock – June 17th

One of my new favourite bloggers at The Illusive Femme recently did a “Taking Stock” post. Having gone back to look at it and the site from which it originated (Meet Me at Mikes), I’m finding that I really like it (I am a sucker for list posts too) and I also would like to co-opt it for myself. The aim is to do one of these every month, to be able to sort of see how my goals and things have progressed. So without any further ado, here is my first stock taking!

Making: A Sailor Moon cross stitch that I will probably either frame or cushion.

Cooking: Curry, gnocchi and lots of pastas with “empty the fridge” (i.e. anything that is in the fridge goes in) sauces.

Drinking: Lots of green teas. I usually go for the ones with lemon in it, especially the Lipton pyramid ones, but I like Twinings too.

Reading: Jurassic Park, Friday Night Lights, Kavalier and Clay, The Infernal Devices and Meg Cabot. Too many books? Impossible!

Wanting: Summer, regular employment, a single digit sized body.

Looking: Forward to getting paid next week so I can pay off my car (finally)!

Playing: Cluedo on the computer, Lana Del Rey on the stereo and basketball when it’s not raining outside.

Deciding: whether or not I should brave the storm and head to the gym tonight.

Wishing: I was in Brazil for the World Cup.

Enjoying: Reading in bed with popcorn and green tea, listening to the wind and rain outside.

Waiting: for those ever elusive interview calls.

Liking: watching the World Cup with my brother at two in the morning.

Wondering: how to drum up some motivation to get me out of bed on days like this.

Loving: how I spent five of the last six nights ♥

Pondering: if I should re-read ASOIAF now that the fourth season of the show has ended.

Considering: getting my hair cut into a fringe again (when I can afford it).

Watching: Nigella Feasts and Rugrats on the iview.

Hoping: I get a job by the end of the month!

Marvelling: at the unpredictability and sheer wonder and magnitude of the World Cup. Portugal and Spain both losing by four goals in their first games? Singlehandedly bring countries to their knees.

Needing: to quit being lazy and just do the things I am supposed to be doing!

Smelling: A mix of Sunkissed Glow (yes, the Jennifer Lopez perfume) and boy, on the jumper I am currently wearing.

Wearing: Han Solo blue T shirt, black zip up hoodie, grey track suit pants (that I have somehow owned and been able to regularly wear since 2006), pink bonds socks.

Following: Sarah Jessica Parker, Poppy Lissiman, Lena Headey on Instagram.

Noticing: That I really need to clean my bedroom.

Knowing: I need to get my stuff together, stop waiting for someone/something to magically rescue me from my current predicaments.

Thinking: about boy, buying houses, somehow finding out I am the heir to an obscure European country ala Mia Thermopolis in The Princess Diaries.

Feeling: Despondent and frustrated, but yet determined.

Admiring: my friends and anyone with careers/houses, Jennifer Lopez and Diana Taurasi.

Sorting: My life. Unsuccessfully.

Buying: Friday Night Lights dvds, socks, books and Vanity Fair.

Getting: frustrated at myself for recognising what I need to be doing and yet still no doing it.

Bookmarking: ASOIAF theory essays, Grantland articles and a profile on Lana Del Rey.

Disliking: having not enough hours in the day, current living circumstances, current lack of organisation.

Opening: my window a smidge to smell the rain outside.

Giggling: at the boy.

Feeling: slightly more motivated, because of thinking about boy. It might be inherently anti-feminist of me, but I would do anything for that man and he inspires and motivates me.

Snacking: waaaay too much. Just finished a bag of popcorn, and I have a drawer in my nightstand filled with oat bars and cheese dips to put in my bag when I go out.

Coveting: A hot European or South American holiday, or body.

Wishing: for a teaching job that still allowed me to be able to stay up until four in the morning. Ha!

Helping: out in my household by taking down the (wet) washing so it doesn’t get more wet.

Hearing: The rail on the roof and windows, and hitting the patch of ground outside my window.

 

Hopefully I remember to do this once a month. I think it’s an interesting iteration of all those Myspace quizzes (you all know the ones I mean!) and hopefully allow me to sort of examine myself and how I’m going at the time.

Today is also Tuesday, and at last check I have now missed two Top Ten Tuesdays, back on track with them soon hopefully. As you may have gleaned I have been having a slight motivation/laziness crisis as of late. Hope you are all having a good month though, and watching a lot of the World Cup!

Love,
Andrea

39 Things That Only People With Glasses Understand (Day 7)

Feeling a little lazy today, I had a big yet very fun day and I am absolutely exhausted. I was reading through a bunch of old emails and came across one of about a billion lists from Thought Catalog that more than any other recently, I found myself identifying strongly.

Yours truly, with my long term visual companions
Yours truly, with my long term visual companions

So here is a little insight into my life as a visually impaired individual. I first started wearing glasses for what my optometrist deemed “galloping” myopia (meaning extreme short-sightedness that degenerates quickly) when I was six. I started wearing contacts when I was about eight or nine, with my mum having to put them in my eyes for me for longer than I’m proud of. You know how people joke about this glasses being coke bottle glasses? That is accurate in my case. My eyesight is so bad, (-10.0 for anyone who is familiar) that I have to wear thick rimmed frames to contain my lenses, I was doing it way before it was hipster fashionable and it annoys me to no end when I see people wearing glasses for fashion and not function. It is so bad that my optometrist and I were joyful when I went a whole year with less than a -0.5 change. It is so bad that my optometrist has to send away to the eastern states to get my lenses specially made. It is so bad that I’m convinced that laser surgery would be ineffective, my eyes would still just get worse and worse. My eyesight is so bad, and still getting worse albeit at a slower rate (high school and the start of uni was probably my worst period for changes) that I’m also almost convinced that one day I’m going to wake up and not be able to see anymore, and it scares me that I treat that as more of an inevitability than a worst case scenario. Continue reading 39 Things That Only People With Glasses Understand (Day 7)

How To Suffer

Image

How long is an appropriate amount of time to begin despising someone after they have suffered a tragedy? How self involved is it okay to be after suffering a loss?

Or more accurately, is it fair for someone to be such a see you next Tuesday to somebody who has done nothing wrong, just because they are going through a hard time? Is the somebody allowed to say “leave me alone, I am doing my best without any of my own support” or is that too harsh? 

I am literally living with a criminal, and yet I am the one who is treated like I just booted a puppy in the face while simultaneously punching a baby panda. 

I always knew living in my current situation would be tough, especially under the new circumstances and without certain people around, but I never expected it to be like this. I am so angry and sad and overwhelmed (and I have no clue where all this strength to just keep going has come from) but I don’t feel like I am allowed to feel that way because I am not the one who has suffered the biggest loss. So when I start feeling that way I almost feel selfish. 

I’ve been trying to put my own needs and wants over everything else, not because I am selfish but because I need to start looking after myself instead of trying to please everyone else, for my own good. But now I am torn between just succumbing to what She wants and is complaining about (because She’s suffered the biggest loss so I should defer to her and her feelings), and speaking my mind and saying “Hey, I am doing my best, I have not complained or picked a fight once even though you know how uncomfortable I am right now, I am actually struggling a lot but I haven’t said anything because you make living here unbearable which is really sad because I was actually a little excited to be able to ask your advice with school things and try be like Lorelai and Rory but now I don’t want to spend a second longer than is necessary in your company.”

But that seems like a really selfish thing to say to someone who is grieving. 

How much slack is a grieving person allowed to have before it stops being a coping mechanism and instead is just someone being a real female canine?

Struggling and sad,
Andrea