I’ve thought a lot about how I want to start my year, with goals or resolutions or promises to people. Recently there has been some.. turmoil (for lack of a better term) in my personal life that has led to me (once again) trying to rethink the way I live my life, what makes me happy and how I can get back to those happy places again.
I have decided to take things one day at a time. Set small goals that can be achieved, and slowly work towards the bigger things. Make time for the things that make me happy and feel less guilty for choosing to do those things instead of over-committing myself to other pursuits.
If I had to name any overarching themes of my 2016, I would like them to be health, writing, reading, career. I hope that I can stick to what I am trying to do, and that I can keep myself to deadlines. They were the one part of journalism that I was able to do exceptionally after all!
A lot of my friends and family are experiencing such amazing things at the moment, and while I am happy for them, I cannot help also feeling overwhelmingly jealous. I know that they’ve worked hard for what they have achieved, and I am immensely proud of them, but it frustrates me to no end. Even though I know that almost all of that frustration is directed towards myself, I still just don’t like it. I’ve never really been that great with change, or at least change that is foisted upon me abruptly, and I know that my time will eventually come (it better!) but I really feel like I’m getting left behind while everyone else is living such amazing lives. Most nights that very thought is enough to send me to tears, because I want nothing more than to be able to get that ideal job, move out of home, get off welfare payments and start living my own life.
And not to mention, that all anyone can seem to say to me is “welcome to the real world”, or “grow up” or “stop living in a fantasy” which frustrates me to no end because really, what world have I been living in up until now? Narnia? I know that I need to pull my finger out and get my stuff together, but (and maybe it’s just me) that doesn’t seem so simple as everyone is making it appear to me. It’s times like that that all I want is for someone to wrap me up in their arms and comfort me, telling me that everything is going to be okay.
Not the greatest mindset to be living in right now, slightly childish and naive maybe, hopefully I snap out of it soon. Netherlands/Mexico is on tonight so hopefully that does the trick, hup Oranje!
One of my friends is going to the Jack Johnson concert this weekend at King’s Park and I was looking at my merchandise from one of his last shows in Perth that I was able to go to.
One of the song titles (because the words are all tracks from Sleep Through the Static) that stood out to me, even though it is in pretty small print, was Adrift. It seems rather apt for the way that I am feeling right now.
I have so much that I want to accomplish and so much that depends on me doing so, but I almost always feel overwhelmed by it all and just adrift in my own little world. I know I should be getting out into the real world, but it’s a scary place for someone as woefully unprepared as I.
I looked up the lyrics to Adrift, and it’s just made me more melancholy as it speaks to my current personal life situation a little too directly.
Your voice is adrift
I can’t expect it to sing to me
As if I was the only one
And so, feeling a little bit listless, I am heading out to McCallum Park to snap myself out of this mood in the sunshine.
Hope you are having a better day than I am!
It's useful being top banana in the shock department.