Sunday Melancholy

sad pug puppy face, very familiar to me

A lot of my friends and family are experiencing such amazing things at the moment, and while I am happy for them, I cannot help also feeling overwhelmingly jealous. I know that they’ve worked hard for what they have achieved, and I am immensely proud of them, but it frustrates me to no end. Even though I know that almost all of that frustration is directed towards myself, I still just don’t like it. I’ve never really been that great with change, or at least change that is foisted upon me abruptly, and I know that my time will eventually come (it better!) but I really feel like I’m getting left behind while everyone else is living such amazing lives. Most nights that very thought is enough to send me to tears, because I want nothing more than to be able to get that ideal job, move out of home, get off welfare payments and start living my own life.

And not to mention, that all anyone can seem to say to me is “welcome to the real world”, or “grow up” or “stop living in a fantasy” which frustrates me to no end because really, what world have I been living in up until now? Narnia? I know that I need to pull my finger out and get my stuff together, but (and maybe it’s just me) that doesn’t seem so simple as everyone is making it appear to me. It’s times like that that all I want is for someone to wrap me up in their arms and comfort me, telling me that everything is going to be okay.

Not the greatest mindset to be living in right now, slightly childish and naive maybe, hopefully I snap out of it soon. Netherlands/Mexico is on tonight so hopefully that does the trick, hup Oranje!

Love,
Andrea

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