I’m having trouble finding motivation.
Well actually it’s more like I’m having trouble being consistent in taking advantage of the motivations in front of me. I know what I want. I know how to get it. I know how difficult the process is but also how sweet the rewards will be. And yet it’s putting together all of those things consistently that I keep having difficulties with.
This is what I look like now:
This is what I want to look like:
I used to be a hottie, regularly in the “top five hottest at high school” lists when I was younger. But then I got the tiniest bit of independence, and everything ballooned. Granted there have been some benefits. Okay, maybe just two DD sized benefits. But I’d happily go back to being a card carrying member of the itty bitty titty committee if everything else were to equally shrink down.
I think part of my problem is not being held accountable to anybody/anything except for myself. And I know I really should have the self discipline to be able to keep pushing myself, but I know me too well. I know I work and perform best when I have someone to please; someone there who keeps pushing me until I achieve what I need to achieve. Which I know is ridiculous, and a luxury that isn’t just going to land in my lap, I should learn how to do it myself. I’m a real life 23 year old grown up and I need to figure out how to function independently just always.
But I just can’t seem to be able to connect everything together. I’m good at making goals, making lists of how to get to those goals, and imagining all the great things that will happen once those goals are achieved, but not the action doing parts. All talk no action. And that needs to change, and it has in the past but then I keep backtracking. Consistency is key.
Sighing and walking out the door to go be consistent and stuff,