How To Suffer

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How long is an appropriate amount of time to begin despising someone after they have suffered a tragedy? How self involved is it okay to be after suffering a loss?

Or more accurately, is it fair for someone to be such a see you next Tuesday to somebody who has done nothing wrong, just because they are going through a hard time? Is the somebody allowed to say “leave me alone, I am doing my best without any of my own support” or is that too harsh? 

I am literally living with a criminal, and yet I am the one who is treated like I just booted a puppy in the face while simultaneously punching a baby panda. 

I always knew living in my current situation would be tough, especially under the new circumstances and without certain people around, but I never expected it to be like this. I am so angry and sad and overwhelmed (and I have no clue where all this strength to just keep going has come from) but I don’t feel like I am allowed to feel that way because I am not the one who has suffered the biggest loss. So when I start feeling that way I almost feel selfish. 

I’ve been trying to put my own needs and wants over everything else, not because I am selfish but because I need to start looking after myself instead of trying to please everyone else, for my own good. But now I am torn between just succumbing to what She wants and is complaining about (because She’s suffered the biggest loss so I should defer to her and her feelings), and speaking my mind and saying “Hey, I am doing my best, I have not complained or picked a fight once even though you know how uncomfortable I am right now, I am actually struggling a lot but I haven’t said anything because you make living here unbearable which is really sad because I was actually a little excited to be able to ask your advice with school things and try be like Lorelai and Rory but now I don’t want to spend a second longer than is necessary in your company.”

But that seems like a really selfish thing to say to someone who is grieving. 

How much slack is a grieving person allowed to have before it stops being a coping mechanism and instead is just someone being a real female canine?

Struggling and sad,
Andrea

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